Let the rest of mankind find me if it could.

digging for that Treasure

welcome

No one ever followed his genius til it misled him. Though the result were bodily weakness, yet perhaps no one can say that the consequences were to be regretted, for these were a life in conformity to higher principles. If the day and night are such that you greet them with joy, and life emits a fragrance like flowers and sweet-scented herbs, is more elastic, more starry, more immortal,--that is your success. All nature is your congratulation, and you have cause momentarily to bless yourself. The greatest gains and values are farthest from being appreciated. We easily come to doubt if they exist. We soon forget them. They are the highest reality....the true harvest of my daily life is somewhat as intangible and indescribable as the tints of morning or evening. It is a little star-dust caught, a segment of the rainbow which I have clutched.
--Henry David Thoreau

Common tests are almost over. Just one more test to go: Math.

Mrs Lim says that it's a whole lot harder than last year's, so I'm pretty terrified. I don't think I scored too well for that test, but that was mostly because I couldn't get the hang of Algebra. Now I'm fine with it, with the exception of a few brain-teasers here and there. The paper is only gonna be an hour long, so it can't be that tough, can it? I'll just hope for the best!

Anyways, I'm gonna get my Tablet PC this Saturday, which means my mom will be feeling the pinch as $3000 gets deducted from her account. But what really gets me is that the sec ONES are getting theirs tomorrow, even though we had to wait a whole YEAR for ours! What the hell, you know, and then I have to content myself with seeing them walking around with their TPC for half the week, even though it is totally unfair for them to do this! We waited so long, yet the sec ONEs get them first? Even the Seniors got them in later months, but they get theirs on February! Where is the justice in the world, goddamn it!

I'm so damn pissed off these couple of days, with my mother trying to 'make my life better' and all that. What's even more disgusting is that she doesn't even know what's she's doing. I HATE it when she accuses me of stuff I never did and then scolds me for talking back and well basically, being right! I have no right to live in my house. I feel like a slave, what with the fact that I'm not allowed to talk, to be angry, to be sad, to stand up for myself, not even clarify anything. I feel like I'm being sentenced for life for something I didn't do. Sometimes I just want to scream at her to Shut Up! but I don't because, well I have a conscience. Then she thinks that I don't appreciates anything she does and that I'm such a bad kid. Well, attitude reflects leadership, I'm sad to say, and trust me, if I had said the things I so want to say right now, I'd be living on the streets already. I keep holding back, but for what? She doesn't appreciate anything I do! What the hell is her problem? I am so angry at her, but wait, I don't have the right to do that! You'd think she was God rather than my mother. You know, she keeps saying that she my mother and I'm her daughter, but amidst all that, she keeps forgetting that I'm still a human being, even despite the fact that she gave birth to me. And one time, she asked me what my problems were and how could she help me solve them, but the way she said it, it seemed to me that she didn't think it was a problem at all and I was just imagining everything, like she was blaming me for, well, me! I just wanted to scream at her that SHE was the problem, but i controlled myself and told her there was nothing she can do. Then she went ballistic, which just made everything worst. So can you blame me for blaming her? Thank goodness my father was in India or I'd be dead by now. I just want to distance myself as far as possible from 'my family'. The only person I can count on, ironically, is my sister. Funny.

And you wonder why I'm an atheist and a terrible cynic.

// Monday, February 25, 2008, 6:48 PM

Happy Chinese New Year!

This year, I got a little more money than I usually do since my parents had guests over and some of them gave me a red packet. Total amount this year: $244. This is a spectacular upgrade from last year's $180 but it really doesn't matter since there is nothing in particular that I really want this year. I'm probably gonna buy some books, mostly classics, and maybe a new shirt. But that's about it. Everything else goes into my bank.

I was watching Cold Mountain the other day, starring Nicole Kidman, Renee Zellweger, Jude Law, Natalie Portman, I think Gimli from LotR was there too, and some other really familiar actors whom I can't recall their names. My goodness, it was such a good movie, and Renee was so goddamn funny, which made everything a whole lot lighter. It was a movie about the Civil War, and it was so poignant! Naturally, whatever love that was found was eventually lost, but all good Oscar winning movies are like that. It was bittersweet at least, and I'm so gonna read the book.

I just read finished Pet Sematary by Stephen King, and it was so chilling, but so good. A terrible cliffhanger though, and I hate those kind of books, but this one was okay, and any other ending just wouldn't seem right. I'm beginning to like Stephen King, I mean I read a couple of his books but I just couldn't bring myself to finish them. So far, I've only finished Pet Sematary and Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption, but they were all very good. I'm reading Cell now, and my sis says it's a bit like War of the Worlds, which is one of my favourite classics.

Anyway, I can't believe I actually managed to complete all my holiday homework, which includes a History project, a Chinese compo, my Commonwealth essay, and a very long and tiring art piece. I'm so proud of myself!

// Sunday, February 10, 2008, 6:52 PM