Let the rest of mankind find me if it could.

digging for that Treasure

welcome

No one ever followed his genius til it misled him. Though the result were bodily weakness, yet perhaps no one can say that the consequences were to be regretted, for these were a life in conformity to higher principles. If the day and night are such that you greet them with joy, and life emits a fragrance like flowers and sweet-scented herbs, is more elastic, more starry, more immortal,--that is your success. All nature is your congratulation, and you have cause momentarily to bless yourself. The greatest gains and values are farthest from being appreciated. We easily come to doubt if they exist. We soon forget them. They are the highest reality....the true harvest of my daily life is somewhat as intangible and indescribable as the tints of morning or evening. It is a little star-dust caught, a segment of the rainbow which I have clutched.
--Henry David Thoreau

Uh, exams exams exams. I have never heard a more dreadful word. But that's just the way in Singapore- you take friggin millions of exams when your young so you can work the rest of your life. Depressing. I don't want to be stranded in Singapore for the rest of my life, I don't want to waste my youth preparing for the future no one can predict! Nothing's sure in this world, that's the only sure thing I know! English exam starts this Friday, and the whole of next week is load with Mid-Years... No wonder my life has no meaning...

Got some of my previous class test results back. 10/20 for math (at least I PASSED! Don't look at me like that, I'm not used to failing), 30.5/50 (I think ) for my English (which is pretty darn high but not the highest:(...), 17/25 for my Lit (I'm just depressed that I didn't get the highes like I did for all my English related test...missed but 2 friggin marks) and 24/30 for mt Science (highest is 25.5...DAM!). I guess I did pretty badly this time... I'm disappointed.

Haiyah...nevermind. Exams are just another way of sucking the excitement from your life. No reason to brood over it. They are just a bunch of papers anyway.

// Monday, April 23, 2007, 6:46 PM

I am feeling very traumatised.

I had this very disturbing dream, and I can'y help thinking that it's trying to tell me something...that's not necessarily good.

I dreamt my Chinese teacher, Ms Tan, was hit by a MRT train. It was extremely vivid, and strangely I remember exactly how the crash look like, unlike those other dreams where I can't remember what I was dreaming about. I remember the blood, the impact, the unattached body parts, and Ms Tan's distinctive curly hair. It was dam scary, because it was so real. The reason she was hit was because she, someone else and I were looking for something, or trying to find something out, then she realised something. Amazingly, there were stairs leading to the track, so I saw Ms Tan walk halfway down the stairs. I suddenly turned my head to the left, and saw the train approaching. I wasn't afraid or anything like that, and plainly said, "Ms Tan, look." She turned and saw the train, then in a split second, the train rammed at her and chopped of her arms or something. There were blood splatters on the side of the train, and the impact sent her 'flying' to the other side of the track. All I could see was a big red stain, and quickly turned my head the other direction as I couldn't bear the sight. Everyone else in the station rushed to her direction, as if to see what had happened. That mysterious someone else, who I can't remember, and I just stood where we were, thinking something like "Dam it! How are we going to find that something out now? She was the one who knew where the clues were pointing!" No compassion at all, and that's scary.

What was I doing with my Chinese teacher anyway? Not that I hated her, I was indifferent toward her. but the dream would make more sense if it was someone I knew for a long time and not someone I barely talk to. Like Ms Poh, or Mom, or Cyn or someone from Unity. I am not saying I wish it was one of them who got hit by a train, but that you don't imagine your Chinese teacher who has been teaching you for a few months to be hit by a train, right?

Anyway, during lit lesson today, we were supposed to tell the class one scary suspenseful story. We closed all the windows, which are black BTW, doors and offed all the lights to create a scary ambiance. I went first and told them the story of the Black Cat by Edgar Allan Poe. I was reaching the part where he buries his wife in this hollow part of his cellar wall when someone suddenly screamed. The whole class started screaming...it was dam funny! Sharon jumped, Celine cuddled next to Ya Min, and Loraine was rubbing her after it. I was laughing my butt off. They screamed for no reason at all. Ha! Actually it happened before. Yesterday during lit lesson, Ms Vicky, our lit teacher, told us a 'true' Singaporean ghost story she heard somewhere. It happened in Commonwealth Crescent. Like I told you, our windows were black, and they were closed. From the outside, the classroom looked deserted. Suddenly, Mr Ho pressed his head on the windows to see if we were inside. It is very hard to see the inside from outside. Everyone screamed, I laughed. Then, as we were reaching the climax, the side view of Ms Tan's curly hair appeared on the window. When all you can see is hair, and you're listening to a story of a female ghost, you'll get spooked out right? Not me. The whole class screamed even louder this time and Sharon actually cuddled next to me. What a bunch of wimps. I knew they were going to scream as I was one of the first ones to see Ms Tan. Haha. I couldn't help laughing.

// Thursday, April 12, 2007, 4:45 PM

Fcking bloody hell.

I'm supposed to be studying for my Chinese spelling test one Monday, but I left my textbook and shou che in school. Fuck. I gonna fail; there's no way I can memorise four chapters between lessons or during recess. Dam it.

Actually, I could be doing my Chinese idiom (cheng yu) exercise, but my mom left for work (Yes on a Saturday) so I have no idea in hell what the disgusting markings mean. What's with Chinese that makes you so annoyed? Chinese is the most detestable subject.

I shall put some quotes here to help me forget about Chinese...

"Sometimes our instincts override our intentions." -Gary Blackwood

"Preserve me from the enemy who has something to gain and the friend who has something to lose." -T.S.Eliot

"True love cannot be denied." -Nicholas Sparks

"Fear of the unknown is the most purely distilled and potent terror" -Dean Koontz

"Love is like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it." -'A Walk To Remember'

"The greatest thing you'll ever know is just to love and be loved in return" -'Moulin Rouge'

"I trust everyone, it's the devil inside them i don't trust." 'Italian Job'

"We're all just batteries waiting to be included." -Strange de Jim

"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do." -Jason Love

"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight" -Phyllis Diller

"It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logical reason be reason" -' A Beautiful Mind'

"What is now proved was only once imagined." -William Blake

"Parting is all we know of heaven and all we need of hell." -Emily Dickinson

"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things that escape those who dream only by night." -Edgar Allan Poe

"Always tell the truth; then you don;t have to remember anything." -Mark Twain

"I don't know if you're a witch or a magician, but every time I look at you, everyone just disappears." -'Listen Up'

"Andy Dufrain, crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side." -'Shawshank Redemption'

// Saturday, April 7, 2007, 9:24 AM

The arrogance of Men, who think that THEY'RE the dominant species and that they are always right. As if.

As always, my father (not Dad by the way, but FATHER) had one of his stupid, petty temper tantrums again. The kind that he would never recognise or admit to the truth even if it danced around naked in front of his eyes. The whole time, I was scoffing away at him. How can someone be so full of themselves? It's just unimaginable pride, an ego bigger than that beer belly of his that is always full of beer. It's weird that someone his size can have such a small brain. Not that he is stupid (even though I like to think that, he does have a Ph.D) but he just doesn't understand anything that doesn't concern himself.

So there he was, accusing us (my bro, sis and I) of being FINISHED. Uh, what kind of parent would shout that in front of their child? He kept going on that mom should have stopped my bro from swimming when he was in sec 3 (notice that he was accusing mom of being the wrong one even though he didn't do anything either) so he could study. But how would he have gotten into RI if it wasn't for the countless of medals and records he set? He was top 3 in the whole of Singapore for heaven's sake. If it were me, I wouldn't have stopped either. He was angry that my bro didn't do well for his 'A' levels and that he was in OCS training to be a officer in the army.

He also said that he helped us in our Chinese but we are still so lousy at it. But let me think, when has he ever helped us in out Chinese? When mom was forcing us to study and memorise text from the textbook, he was watching TV, cane in hand, just waiting for us to complain about the long hours and that we were tired. When she was testing us, he was probably sleeping because we had been studying the whole day and it was quite late at night already. When mom was in Lot 1 with us picking out assessments, he was at home because he couldn't be bothered to go out. During the months before the PSLE, when he gave us papers from other schools to do, the thing we dreaded most was not doing it, but having to sit next to him as he tried to explain what we got wrong. Not that he spent time marking it, I think he just looked at the answer sheet. When we didn't understand him, he would hit us, spit at us and say that we're very stupid. Most of the time, we would ask mom to explain to us anyways. He HELPED us? Ha.

But that's in the past. He's still doing it in the present. I don't think he even knows that I topped the level for Lit, or that I scored the highest in my class for the English test. He doesn't know that my sis got first in her school countless of times too. Plus, my Chinese isn't that bad. My comprehensive skills are actually very good and I did get an A- for the article thingy. He never sees the merits, only the flaws. I can't imagine what he thinks about life.

And the thing is, his friends seem oblivious to the fact that he is a cold-hearted father and that his kids avoid him at all costs (my bro hasn't talked to him for 6 years). It is an insult of incomprehensible proportions to be HIS family.

// Monday, April 2, 2007, 6:38 PM